I've been looking and looking for what my next post would be about. I must have been looking too hard, because the perfect subject has been all around, and I've missed it. Everybody's seen what the latest generation of "men" are wearing lately. I'm talking about the sickly looking kids who have borrowed their sisters pants and their dad's old wallet chains and who waddle instead of walk because their pants are around their thighs. I'm not quite sure how their parents let them out of the house, but I'm pretty sure these are the same parents who give their kids trophy's even if they lose. The fairy's in the girl jeans have apparently never been taught the old "Man Law", but from the looks of their clothes, they wish they were girls anyway.
Now that I got that out, I'd like to talk about Man Cards. Everybody's heard of the proverbial "Man Card". It's what all men brag about having, synonmous with "wearing the pants, signing the checks, what I say goes, etc". Truth be told, if you're married, there's a pretty good chance you turned it in by saying "I Do". While you may still be in denial, chances at some point after the honeymoon (the point of no return), you've had to buy tampons, pick up bra's, wash dishes, or some other blatent violation of the Man Law.
Here are 3 basic rules any man should know, and if not you're following them, maybe Santa will bring you some nice new hair ribbons to go along with your girl jeans:
1. MEN DO NOT WEAR PINK. If you have a shirt that you call salmon, light red, reddish, or any other word for PINK, you're in direct violation. Even if you try to hide it under a black golf sweater jacket (you know who you are), pink is pink. I'm pretty sure when ask any man what he thinks about when you say "pink", the first word that comes to mind is another one that starts with a P and is synonomous with cat. No matter what any girl tells you, pink is not black. Get rid of it. (the only exception to this rule are neck ties)
2. MEN DO NOT READ ROMANCE NOVELS. Yes, this includes the new Twilight Series. If you're a guy and you've read the Twilight Series, repent, and go rent Rocky 1-5, or any other Stallone film series to recoup your lost testosterone.
3. MEN DO NOT WAX THEIR EYEBROWS OR GET FACIALS. Now I'm ok with a little "man scaping" here and there. Trimming or shaving body hair is ok in my book. Lord knows Britt would never have looked at me twice if I looked like Sasquatch in a rubber band when I wore my speedo on our honeymoon ;). However, the line is drawn at going to beauty salons and getting your eyebrows professionally waxed and shaped, or getting your face exfoliated or whatever they call it. Man up, get some tweezer and pull the unibrow out. Waxing is for girls, keep it that way.
There are a lot more rules that go along with the Man Law, but in the interest of time, I've posted the 3 that seem to be getting ignored lately. If you're one of the violaters, get your act together, or pick up some Lee jeans at your local Hot Topic store.
