I've been looking and looking for what my next post would be about. I must have been looking too hard, because the perfect subject has been all around, and I've missed it. Everybody's seen what the latest generation of "men" are wearing lately. I'm talking about the sickly looking kids who have borrowed their sisters pants and their dad's old wallet chains and who waddle instead of walk because their pants are around their thighs. I'm not quite sure how their parents let them out of the house, but I'm pretty sure these are the same parents who give their kids trophy's even if they lose. The fairy's in the girl jeans have apparently never been taught the old "Man Law", but from the looks of their clothes, they wish they were girls anyway.
Now that I got that out, I'd like to talk about Man Cards. Everybody's heard of the proverbial "Man Card". It's what all men brag about having, synonmous with "wearing the pants, signing the checks, what I say goes, etc". Truth be told, if you're married, there's a pretty good chance you turned it in by saying "I Do". While you may still be in denial, chances at some point after the honeymoon (the point of no return), you've had to buy tampons, pick up bra's, wash dishes, or some other blatent violation of the Man Law.
Here are 3 basic rules any man should know, and if not you're following them, maybe Santa will bring you some nice new hair ribbons to go along with your girl jeans:
1. MEN DO NOT WEAR PINK. If you have a shirt that you call salmon, light red, reddish, or any other word for PINK, you're in direct violation. Even if you try to hide it under a black golf sweater jacket (you know who you are), pink is pink. I'm pretty sure when ask any man what he thinks about when you say "pink", the first word that comes to mind is another one that starts with a P and is synonomous with cat. No matter what any girl tells you, pink is not black. Get rid of it. (the only exception to this rule are neck ties)
2. MEN DO NOT READ ROMANCE NOVELS. Yes, this includes the new Twilight Series. If you're a guy and you've read the Twilight Series, repent, and go rent Rocky 1-5, or any other Stallone film series to recoup your lost testosterone.
3. MEN DO NOT WAX THEIR EYEBROWS OR GET FACIALS. Now I'm ok with a little "man scaping" here and there. Trimming or shaving body hair is ok in my book. Lord knows Britt would never have looked at me twice if I looked like Sasquatch in a rubber band when I wore my speedo on our honeymoon ;). However, the line is drawn at going to beauty salons and getting your eyebrows professionally waxed and shaped, or getting your face exfoliated or whatever they call it. Man up, get some tweezer and pull the unibrow out. Waxing is for girls, keep it that way.
There are a lot more rules that go along with the Man Law, but in the interest of time, I've posted the 3 that seem to be getting ignored lately. If you're one of the violaters, get your act together, or pick up some Lee jeans at your local Hot Topic store.
11 comments:
I could have sworn that you had a pink shirt. I totally agree with you on the way kids are dressing these days. As for #1 and #3 on the list of 3 man-don't rules I have to disagree. If we could find a pink dress shirt big enough for Joel he would have one, he has to settle for lavender. And some guys need a little wax and facial...have you seen my hubbies noise pores. But, make no mistake he is all man.
I'm going to throw Fife under the bus on rule #2. He's picked up a new pastime; instead of playing Xbox he reads romance novels. He has recently finished the latest Twilight novel and claims it's the first one he's read but I find that incredulous. Zak mentioned when they went and saw the movie Saturday night he knew all the romance sequences before they came up. But what really intrigues me in all this is the fact they (Jason & Zak) went and watched the movie without their wife's. After their Saturday night special they should have to promulgate what team they actually play for. Roc, maybe you should add a new rule that covers watching chic flicks without your chic.
Sorry T, Pink is no dice. Lavender flies, pink does not. Case and point and the girl being the one that says it's ok.
Cody, I have to agree. I noticed Jason's avatar on the xbox live is a dracula look alike and he also plays Dance Dance Revolution now more than ever before. He says it's his wife playing, but I know she works nights.
It's been called to my attention that I myself have am in violation of Man Law rules by posting things like "R" instead of "Our" or "Nutz" instead of "Nuts", also having "gay" music. I don't agree with any of those points, especially the music part. Anybody calling Johnny Cash "gay" probably has a closet full of true religion jeans as well. Better go check your closet Mr. Grey.
For the record: Johnny Cash NOT gay. Multiple Brad Paisley songs completely gay. By the way did you see the picture of David Lee Murphy (side note: a man using three names = gay)that comes up when his song is playing? He's wearing a wife beater and has a permed mullet...GAY. By the way Rocky, why are you checking out all these young boys in tight jeans? Seems a little suspicious if you ask me.
Regards,
Mr. Grey
I don't think Rock has any room to be talking about Man Card laws when he has such a gay choice of songs.
So what if I read Twilight wearing a pink shirt just after having my total body waxed? And you refer us to watch Stallone movies to get our man cards back? How does watching a half naked, ripped DUDE run around getting sweaty help us get our cards back? And it's not the pink shirts you have to worry about, it's the baby blue ones. And by the way, speaking of man cards...you realize you are a blogger right? It's OK alot of my friends wives are.
Tucking polo shirts into jeans is also a violation. I'm looking at you, 1998-2000 version of Rocky Watt.
ha ha I see nothing wrong with pink and if i could get daniel to wax his eye brows i'd be all over it!! Some hairy guys need a good wax every now and then nothing wrong with that!!
Its been about 3 weeks and no new post....
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